Epiphany
by XPoeticallyxIncorrectX
Summary: I'm not even human in his eyes; just a punching bag he can sleep with after he argues with his girlfriend. I want him to love me, but it just isn't possible. He'll never care, but I don't want to realize that. I'll have to wake up at some point. In Sasuke's POV, NaruSasu, yaoi, r&r.


Naruto doesn't love me.

I know this. What we have between us was nothing more than an agreement of sorts. We used to be best friends, but he ended our friendship for one reason or another. I didn't bother asking him why, because I felt that I knew the answer. All I was to him was his trophy friend. A part of me knew that our relationship was nothing more than a façade, but that was a harsh truth that I couldn't live with.

So I told myself we just grew apart.

But as he grew more cold and distant toward me, I noticed that I was craving his attention. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to make something out of whatever it is that we have. My dream didn't seem feasible once I found out he got himself a girlfriend. Little did I know, that she would be the key to having him back in my life.

Whenever the blonde would get into an argument with his girlfriend, he was allowed to come over to my place and take his frustrations out on me.

Was it fair that I bare the brunt of his anger? I don't think so, but it was too late to change anything about it. The early stages of relationships are supposed to be used to establish boundaries. Since I'm used to him using me, I didn't bother setting any boundaries for him. Why? Because I'll take Naruto any way I can get him. It's desperate and made me feel worthless, but I can't help it.

I am in love with the man.

I love everything about him; from the way his body towers over me to his well defined muscles. He is built like a god that I knew would protect me. His skin and hair are remnants of the sun, which is welcoming. He always had this warm aura about him, which I suppose is what initially drew me in. But it's his eyes that are the most captivating. I could drown in those deep blue eyes of his.

It didn't start off that way. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have fallen for him. But I did, and it goes against every silent pact that we've established.

Since I didn't have to work today, I just sat on the couch, scrolling through channels when I heard someone banging on my door. I automatically knew it was Naruto.

My heart flutters in happiness, and at the same time my blood runs cold. I glance at my reflection on my coffee table. My hair is a mess, well its always a mess, but its messier than usual. To top it off, I was wearing an old, raggedy t-shirt. Whenever he comes over, I like to look my best, even if he isn't attracted to me.

He pounds on the door again, growing impatient. I remove the shirt and toss it behind my couch. I hate making a mess, but this was an emergency. I smooth out my hair to the best of my ability and open the door with a slight smile on my face. "H-hey." I hate the stutter in my voice, but he makes me nervous.

Instantly I knew he was in no mood for small talk. He slams the door shut and shoves me against it. Naruto doesn't care if it hurts me, he isn't here to attend to my needs or feelings. Only he can make me feel so worthless yet priceless at the same time.

I've been dying to tell him how I really feel. I hate being treated this way, but he only comes around for anger relief and leaves once its over.

"Wait Naruto." I gasp as he starts biting at my neck; he loves to leave marks.

"Shut up." He growls.

I moan, feeling his big calloused hand caress my back. "Naruto, its important." If I don't tell him soon, I don't think I'll be able to ever tell him.

He pulls away from my skin, shooting a glower at me because of my inability to stop talking. "Whatever it is you have to say, cannot be so important that it can't wait until later."

"You're not going to be here later."

"Exactly." He lifts my considerably smaller frame and throws me against the kitchen table. I groan in pain, but he doesn't care. I bet he is still thinking about the argument with his girlfriend. I wonder what it was about this time. I'll never know because he never wants to talk about things. He just bottles up all his anger inside until he can get over here.

Because all I am to him is a punching bag.

"Be gentle." I grit out, wanting to have some control over the situation.

He shakes his head. "Don't tell me what to do."

I try to sit up, but he pushes me back down with a piercing glare. Without much warning, my pants were gone. I picked a fine day to not wear underwear. His smirk causes me to shift a bit. He lowers himself and places a kiss on my jaw. "Were you expecting me?" He whispers.

I didn't know how to answer that question. If I said yes, it would seem like I was either desperate or was impending the failure of his relationship. I didn't want to say no, because then I would be lying. I bite my lip in lieu of answering.

For some reason, I was growing very self-conscious under the man's gaze. He was scrutinizing every visible inch of my body. I don't know if he likes it or not; I'm pretty sure he doesn't, but in this instance it doesn't matter. He is not here because he's attracted to me.

I become captivated by his well defined muscles after he removes his shirt. He wastes no time taking off his pants and throwing them in a corner. His member is only half-hard, as I am not attractive enough for him to be completely aroused.

He made no move to do any type of prep, which scares me. Whenever we have sex, its never gentle enough to skip prep. I squirm away from him, knowing that it would piss him off, but I don't want to wake up in pain tomorrow.

"I'm not in the mood for games," He spoke slowly. The tone of his voice was more threatening than usual. "Get over here, _now_."

Every muscle in my body tensed, we've done this so many times, but he has never been this angry. Instinctively, I got up from the table and ran to my room. I heard him growl, not wanting to put up with this.

I forgot that he used to play sports in high school. He's a lot faster than I remember. Before I could close and lock my door, he grabbed me. I decided that it wouldn't be smart to struggle with him any further. When I looked into his eyes, they were completely different. The color nearly identical to mine, but filled with fury.

"Naruto, I'm sorry." I whispered as a last-ditch effort to awaken some mercy in him.

"You're gonna be." He retorts as he throws me on my bed.

He firmly grips my legs, spreading them so he could settle between them. My heart is simultaneously racing and breaking. This isn't what I imagine when I think of spending time with him. It is what I doomed myself to go through for either the rest of my life or until he finds someone who doesn't piss him off so much. In the back of my mind, I knew it was the former. And as he shoves all ten inches of his harden flesh into me, the only thing I do is curse my own patheticness. To him it probably sounds like a pleasure filled cry.

I scream his name as he relentlessly pounds into me like I'm a cheap rag doll. My entire body feels as if its going to split in half. That in it of itself doesn't hurt, but knowing that he doesn't care is what kills me. My ass stretches to accommodate his girth, but it's too much. The tearing of the muscles causes me to scream and writhe, hoping that it would somehow ease the pain. It only serves as a cue for him to keep going.

Each thrust makes me wonder how much more of this am I willing to take. My desperation to be with him got us into this situation. I can never say no to him, because I want to be in his company; I want to be his everything.

The raw friction sends currents up and down my spine. I bite my lip to keep from crying out; a gesture made of spite because I know he loves hearing me voice all pleasure and pain. Hearing him groan in pleasure makes me sick to my stomach.

I hate that he gets pleasure from hurting me. I hate that I love him. I hate that I am so willing to put up with this. I hate that no matter what I do, he'll never love me; he will stay committed to her for reasons I can't fathom. And like the idiot I am, I will be there for him.

I know I deserve better. Why I bother chasing after him is something that I constantly wonder. Relationships should have equal give and take. He only knows how to take; I keep giving with the hope that things will get better. Maybe he has nothing to offer me, and I'm just forcing something that will never be. I could learn to take some pleasure in our sexual acts, however my mind won't let me trick myself into thinking that the sex is meant for my enjoyment.

My body responds to his movements positively, which annoys the part of me wanting not give him any satisfaction of enjoying this. He's not a particularly generous lover, but when he slams against my prostate, it _almost _makes me want to forgive him for the pain he puts me through.

Almost doesn't count.

He bites down on my neck to elicit a response. I only speak his name, my mind no longer focused on what was happening. Contemplating where our relationship will end up is a lot more stimulating than him fucking me like a rag doll.

Is it selfish of me to want him to love me and stop seeing me as this fuck toy? Would it make me a bad person if I constantly wish that their relationship would fall apart, and he realizes that I am the only person he has left?

The familiar tightening in my gut snaps me out of my daze. I don't often experience orgasms when I'm with him. As a token of appreciation, I moan his name in the sluttiest way possible. His pace grows sporadic, which means this ordeal will be coming to an end soon. He comes fiercely with a grunt. I look up to see a smirk plastered on his face as if he has done something great. He lays down next to me to recover for a bit.

While feeling his seed slowly seep out of me, I tried to ignore all my previous thoughts and convince myself that one day, we will be together. It's a comforting thought. I cuddled against his chest, wanting to enjoy the heat he radiates.

"You do know that there is nothing between us?"

It wasn't the words that cut deep, it was his tone. It was uncaring and harsh, which rips apart the façade that I've hoped was real. "I know. I can dream can't I?" I didn't mean for the last part to be said aloud, but it was too late.

Naruto looks over at me with an amused look. "You dream about me? How cute." There was something about the smugness in his voice that was unnerving. I was going to let it go and accept what fate has created, but I can't.

This isn't a fate that even the worst person in the world deserves.

I don't want him to think that I'm always going to be around. If he doesn't want a serious relationship, then I want to move on with my life. I don't have time to be chasing someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.

I sit up and let out a sigh. It was time to come clean. "No, Naruto. I don't dream about you." Something snapped within me. I do dream of him, but not when he's like this. This guy isn't the man I fell in love with. Frankly, I'm tired of being treated like I'm nothing. "I dream about a man who cares about me. One who doesn't treat me like I'm some punching bag and actually gives a fuck about my needs."

"You knew what this was about." He says rather coolly.

I laugh bitterly. Our relationship didn't start like this. "Once upon a time you and I were friends. But you threw it away to be with some bitch who has you by the balls." I replied.

The spark of anger in his eyes means I hit a nerve. Good. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." He growls.

"I do know," I corrected. "I know that you won't leave her, in spite everything she puts you through. I know that you will never be happy with her, but you're chicken shit to do anything about it. You're just a pathetic little boy who can't handle his problems."

His anger turned to shock, I'm a little shocked myself. But the truth needs to be said, or else I'll be trapped in this perpetual unhealthy relationship. "And I know another thing; I am done with you."

My new found confidence is empowering. It makes me wish that I would have stood up to him sooner. I grab a towel and head to the bathroom, stopping at the doorway to look at the dumbfounded blonde. "Lock the door on your way out, okay?"


End file.
